Is Jonah Goldberg writing for The Simpsons? They’d appreciate his use of Homer’s metaphors. The trouble is, the French are no surrender monkeys. It’s just not true. Not in the 20th century anyway.
France fought in WWI literally to the last drop of blood. It was the Americans who threw their weight on the scales and sealed the outcome. But it was the French and the British who actually fought the war (and the Russians too, up to early 1918).
Similarly, France did fight Germany in 1940 but was overwhelmed and had to surrender. Then, in the 1950s and 1960s, it fought a very bloody and cruel war in Algeria. Yes, the French pulled out eventually, but so did Americans out of Vietnam.