A certain ancestor of Ijon Tichy (the protagonist of many a tale by Stanislaw Lem) went as far as to invent a pill (“Aversin”) that made sexual intercourse so painful that he, upon taking the remedy, had to be held on the marriage bed by four sturdy gentlemen of his kin. So ardent was this hero in pursuit of marital duty – against the odds of the pain, which was his purpose in the first place – that he had fathered thirteen children before expiring, on an otherwise unremarkable day, by a public well into which he attempted to spill Aversin™ powder, smitten down by a madding crowd. (Unfortunately, I couldn’t find where exactly in the Tichy saga this noble man appeared.)
Likewise, it hurts me to ask you, esteemed readers (“Dear Most Valued Customers,” as Microsoft would put it), to visit AFOE and vote.